How do you block out the noise and build a wedding that is uniquely yours?
I recently had a friend confess to me that the day after his wedding, he and his wife were already thinking about how they could have done things differently. They realized immediately that the wedding they celebrated, didn’t feel like it represented them. They started to dream just 24 hours later about a 10 year vow renewal where they could personalize things to THEIR taste and enjoy a celebration that spoke to them as a couple.
So, how do you block out the noise, Pinterest overload and family pressures to build a wedding that is unique to you? To answer this, I’m going back to my own wedding in 2016 where my husband Louis and I celebrated OUR way!
Whether your budget is $10,000 or $150,000, setting your budget is step No. 1 before that money starts flowing. When Louis and I got engaged in 2016, The Knot said that the average wedding cost was $35,309. Our budget, which was almost entirely a gift from my parents, was roughly a third of that, and that meant we had to get pretty crafty with how we wanted to spend that money. While it was quite a tight budget, these restrictions also helped us to set boundaries and define what we could and could not afford. Keep in mind, we were very lucky that this money did not come with strings attached, so we really were able to spend it however we wanted.
For those of you that know a gift of money will come with a ton of input, think about saying no to that money. Sometimes it’s worth lowering your budget to have full say in how you celebrate. That does not mean you have to leave your family or friends out of the planning, it just means you will not have that gift hanging over your head. Let’s be honest though, some extra money is always nice to have when planning your dream wedding. So, if you do choose to receive a gift of money, make sure to have an honest conversation, set boundaries and clearly communicate your expectations before depositing these funds and signing any contracts.
When thinking about your dream venue, what setting feels natural to you? Where do you like to travel? What is your favorite date night location? What season is your favorite? What do you like to do for fun? Did you go to the same high school? What is your favorite place to purchase home goods? What kind of books do you like to read or movies do you watch? All these questions about your likes and dislikes can actually influence those big decisions like where to get married.
After our budget was set, we reached out to A LOT of venues. At the time, no venues shared their pricing publicly (at least none that I could find), so I talked with a whole bunch of venues that we ultimately could not afford. Realizing that a traditional venue was not going to be an option for us, I started thinking outside the box. My husband and I met each other while running a music festival in a beautiful crumbling historic building. So with all that experience under our belt making things work in an unforgiving space, I figured we could really host an event anywhere. With a combined love for historic buildings and music we scoured airbnb, cold called real estate listings, contacted historic Albany, some music venues and finally came across a couple different spaces that could separately hold our ceremony and reception, and spoke to both of us without breaking the bank.
I wouldn’t recommend waiting so long, but just three and a half months before our wedding, we signed a contract with The Troy Public Library to host our ceremony in their incredible historic space surrounded by tiffany windows, gorgeous historic details and lots and lots of books! We also confirmed The Hangar on the Hudson, a music and performance venue for our reception. These non traditional spaces allowed us to think outside the box while showcasing our love for historic buildings, antiques and music. They also brought out our creativity since we had to design events into spaces not traditionally used for weddings. Before you go venue hunting, sit down with your partner and think through those things that you both have in common to consider what venue setting feels right for you. This will also influence your vendor and design choices.
Once you find a venue that feels like it represents you, get creative with your vendors and decor! No two weddings should be the same so think back to those things that you and your fiancé connect over. Maybe you love a good meal. You share a favorite color. You share a love for vintage cars or football. Find those similarities and make sure to jot them down. This is going to help you determine what vendors and design will feel like you.
Once we had our venues set, we sent out our digital invites and started contacting possible vendors. Personally we wanted to keep things as intimate as possible while supporting local small businesses, so we chose to work with many friends and some of our favorite local establishments. We locked in a talented friend for our wedding photography and asked our hair stylist friend to style hair for me and my bridesmaids. We reached out to one of our favorite local bands to play music, and hired a friend of a friend to spin records throughout the evening. One of our date night go to restaurants catered our reception with delicious Lebanese dishes and we provided them with vintage platers and large bowls for serving. We arranged for a dessert station with ice cream sundaes from one of our favorite local bakers, and the venue provided the bar. We even contacted a local developer to see if we could use their vacant building to host pictures following the ceremony. For our rehearsal dinner we asked Louis’ sister and brother in law who own a farm downstate, to cater an event in our backyard sunken patio.
Remember to let the details speak for you by referencing those things you share, your likes and dislikes. We love all things vintage, so when it came to our wardrobe I knew I wanted something quite old. I also wanted to include my family and friends in the selection so when I was visiting family in Seattle we went to a few different vintage shops with a curated bridal selection. With a lower price point we found not just one, but THREE dresses to take home for the wedding weekend, and thanks to my mom, these purchases didn’t have to hit our budget. I found vintage shoes and jewelry over the next month and my mom found a long veil she custom ordered. We did have to alter one of the dresses, but I was lucky to find a local seamstress to fit the vintage dress to my body. Louis also found an incredible wool suit and vintage shoes from one of our friends with a vintage online menswear shop, and added an ascot for a pop of color.
Following this vintage theme, Louis and I scoured eBay and thrift stores across the hudson valley to find mismatched plates, silverware, floral vases and cloth napkins to set the tables. We even collected vintage dressers, linens, musical instruments and home decor from our house to place throughout the events, showcasing our personalities and bringing more warmth to the spaces. We rented vintage wooden chairs and banquet tables from Total Events and purchased simple linens for the tables that would allow the decor to stand out. With a quick turnaround, once all those details were set it was time to pull off our epic wedding weekend!!
Something to consider, a lower budget wedding can mean BIG work for you! With a relatively small budget, we opted to do most of the work ourselves, lugging furniture, setting up the venues and breaking everything down the next day. Luckily my background is in events so we knew the vision we had, and how we wanted to pull it off. We were also very lucky to have some incredible support from family and friends. The day before the wedding Louis and I picked wild flowers from a friends farm, filled in with additional florals from a wholesale florist where a friend worked, and with support of our friends and family arranged the bouquets, boutonnières and set the venue with tables, chairs, florals, tableware and decor. We woke up on our wedding day and instead of relaxing and getting our makeup and hair done, I headed back to the reception space with my bridesmaids to finish the last minute details while Louis and his groomsmen setup chairs at the library. We worked as late as we possibly could before we had to get ready. Not going to lie, I made my way to the library a bit late and still had to get dressed once I arrived. Everyone was already seated waiting for things to begin.
Make sure you think through what things you are comfortable doing leading up to your wedding, and what you would rather delegate to a vendor. Sometimes it’s worth paying extra to ensure you are stress free and enjoying your wedding! Think about adding a wedding planner or coordinator to your budget so they can help you pull off this epic event. It is not a luxury, it’s a really smart idea! While Louis and I love to pull off epic projects on our own, this wedding truly took a village, and would not have been possible without all the support from our family and friends. Even though it was a ton of work, we had our hands on every piece of our wedding, so it felt extremely personal. Every detail felt like us, and our guests enjoyed all the unique touches. While Louis and I had so much control over the details of our wedding, you can still build an epic wedding that is uniquely yours and not so much work! Take the time to think through these 10 things before you get started.
Before you book any vendors, scroll through Pinterest for 1,000 hours or let your family dictate what they think your wedding should be…
Set your budget
Set expectations & boundaries with each other, your family and friends that you know will have input
Make a list of your likes, dislikes, dealbreakers, and must haves - when doing this, think back to other events you have attended
Make a list of your similarities and things you both love
Individually determine what food item(s) you could eat for every meal, favorite snacks and sweet treats - what’s shared?
Note your favorite seasons or holidays?
Look around your house and locate furniture or decor pieces that stand out to each of you
Look through your closet and see what colors and styles you love to wear and feel most yourself in
Note your favorite place(s) to travel together
Note your favorite date night activity or adventures
Use these items to guide your vendor search, to inform your date, venue, food, cocktails, color scheme, wardrobe, and more.
No matter the venue that you choose, follow your curiosity and find those vendors that excite you.
Injecting personality into your wedding is not just putting pictures of you on the tables, or a slideshow in the background. You do not want to wake up the day after your wedding feeling like you just celebrated someone else’s dream. You can showcase yourselves in each and every detail of your wedding, no matter the budget or venue you are working within. Use these answers to tune out the millions of pictures on Pinterest, to inform your vendors of what you are looking to build, to help you set boundaries with your family and friends, and plan an epic wedding that feels just like you!
